A TURKEY SHOOT
TURKEY BOWL, CT 2001

First: Contractual obligations. Heartfelt remembrances. A man, a legend, just an all-around decent fellow who appreciates life and the game of Ultimate: Josh Polur.

Captain (sort of) of the Purchase Alumni team, to which stead I had been purchased (not really) to play at Turkey Bowl, in Fairfield, Connecticut two weekends ago over the Thanksgiving break.

To many Josh Polur is just a name, a legend heard whispered about in frisbee circles. "Did you see that read Josh had in the endzone? "Who?" "Josh Polur." "Oh yeah, that was sweet. Dude, I told you he can play. He gets those all the time. He makes these crazy reads."

So props to Josh Polur and the other captain (sort of) -- the inimitable Charlie Riggs, tour manager for The Who. Or at least that was excuse for leaving early from the last tournament I played with him in Saratoga last summer. But it is more or less true. He does own a cell phone put to practical use. Often he can be seen whizzing into the parking lot with his spit-polished, smooth as a baby's hiney powder green Mercedes Benz circa '85 with the crème-colored leather interior. It's a fat ride, let me tell you. Anyway, Charlie looks like his name and has the best lock of long hair this side of Scott Johnston.

Add in the likes of the Purchase faithful with Jackie and Jay, Jessica and Laura Powers (oof! That sky of Arnold was sweet. Afterwards, Arnold busted out "yeah New Bedford" which is apparently the high school that those two clowns attended together) and Chris, Scott, Eddie Stone, Matty Jefferson, Neil Perchuk, Main Man Cliff, Spencer, and I'm forgetting someone.

SUNY Purchase Alumni. 0-3 for the weekend. But Eddie Stone made the best cup of spiked Hot Cider.

Truth be told, SUNY Purchase has some killer alumni, but they were all playing on different teams or were out of town. Like Vinnie Cult and Dave Hollander. Jekyll and Hyde. Both sides played for Too Fatty, the Bombsquad-Ambush combination of players that made the finals of this tournament.

Now of course there were 12 teams here to eat crow, Turkey and such. Co-ed of course. More fun that way. Some classic old school, like the Scarsdale High School alumni team pairing the likes of Mueller and Gewirtz. And that Tea Party team with Parinella, Corky and DeFrondeville was there too, and Sanford was home from the Holidays to play with Skip Kuhn, Daver, Teddy Phillips and the CRUD crew. And there were teams from…

Does anyone care about this? Thought so. Alright, lets get to the action.

Wait, first, I promised Corky I'd amend my characterization of him as "junkyard dog" in my Hingham post, because I'm just the type of guy to give a person props after publicly bagging on them. This way I have a built-in excuse to bag on people all the time (or so goes the thinking anyway).

It turns out that Corky Romano (oops, Chris Corcoran) is as gentle a giant as his namesake Corky from the hit TV show "Life Goes On." His aggressive behavior on the field is a myth.

He is indeed a very nice fellow.

Now on to the action!

***

Finals

(man with can of beer in his hand) Where's the keg?

(man with cup of beer in his hand) Right there.

(man turns around to see 5 feet behind him two quarter kegs covered in black trashbags, tapped and flowing) Oh! Perfect!

***

Earlier:

"What happened? You didn't have any women?"

"We had ONE woman. I'm so pissed. Two years ago we were in the finals. We lost in the first round today. We've NEVER lost in the first round."

***

Meanwhile:

Skip Kuhn: You have to do this right? If you are standing out of bounds, you have to put one foot in bounds (now showing me) and then JUMP. Like this, right? Because the first foot is an establishing foot. You can't be out of bounds, put your foot in, and catch the disc. You have to move the foot to be legal. So you do this (he places a foot inbounds, lifts his back foot, and hops in the air to catch the disc.)

Skip shows this example to me maybe four times until I get what he is saying. Pot is Cool.

Me: At sectionals we played this one rule where a pick not "in play" with the disc in the air is a continuation. We had a big argument about it, saying it was a continuation. Two games later the same thing happens, of course, and we're arguing the exact opposite and believing it because no one knows for sure and no one remembered the last game.

***

From the Purchase Alumni team sideline, after Chris Runyon (sp?) brought out no less than 12 t-shirts from over 10 years of successful Purchase teams.

Chris: And this shirt was from 1988 Fools Fest in Kansas. We made semis.

Matty Jefferson: No, I think we made finals that tournament.

Chris: This is 1993 College Easterns. Atomic Dogs were in the finals!

Matty Jefferson: (laughing) No I think that was the year we sucked. We lost in pool to _____. But that year we went to the Finals of Fools Fest in Virginia. We lost to Duke. Burning Duke of Pouce. They had legs.

[Chris proceeds to lay down shirts styled for College Nationals, for Easterns, Mardi Gras, and more. All of them are dope.]

Jessica: What about the Bitches!

Chris: And here's an Atomic Bitches shirt…

Me: Just to let everyone know, I wear this shirt in honor of Jeffrey Aronowitz, Purchase alum who is not here today.

***

Me: So SUNY Purchase had a lot of talent back then.
Chris: Yeah. I even played basketball for one season with Cribber. But our basketball team sucked. We had one guy who would score 40 points and we would lose 80-50.

***

BEST PART OF THE DAY (besides my defensive hat trick against a guy who once got me in trouble by registering a block on me in the game to go to Nationals)

Plate full of turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing. Beer in the other hand. Watching the finals. Some guy next to me asks, earnestly, "so how many seconds do you have to throw?" Naturally, I recognize an easy fantasy opponent. "Hey dude, pick a player and if he or she scores, you get a point." "OK. I got the guy in the skirt."

Orion Lillyreed was wearing a very pretty full-length Hindu Kush robe with orange paisleys. He looked like a Ewan MacGregor in Phantom Menace, except for the orange paisleys.

Me: "OK, I'll pick Josh Cott. Wearing the crossing-guard vest."

"Which crossing guard vest?"

"Oh, that one — he's also wearing a hat."

Another joins in.

"I pick Brenda negative."

"Good call"

Another joins in.

"I pick Brenda positive."

"Good call."

We love Brenda. Props to Brenda. This is not a dis.

So the game proceeds. Josh Cott throws a score, then throws one away. I've got the Brenda positive pick while the guy I singled out earlier as being new to the sport chose the girl with the yellow knee socks (Kim Tischler).

(Ok, wait, let me explain, the Too Fatty team all dressed in costumes and the like, which I think is a tradition left over from the Free Spirits of the Game, of which most of this team was on. So Orion wore that skirt, Matt Tracy and Brion Winston were in cowboy outfits (jeans, button-down westerns, cowboy hats and Matt had two plastic six-shooters in holsters strapped to his pants. Watching him layout was like watching a rodeo clown dive away from a charging bull; unexpected quickness) Tim O'Leary and Bronwyn were dressed as the infield cleanup crew from the Atlanta Braves (in slack charge of tending to first base, no doubt) Carrie Pollack and Mel Schoen were cheerleaders, Pat Stoltz an anonymous superhero and Arnold Sanchez, head to toe in yellow spandex with a yellow cape and mouse ears was a perfect Mighty Mouse.)

Oh, right, in the finals it was Too Fatty versus Chinstuffing, another Chinstrap Rhode Island/ Connecticut combo thing. I can't remember the Chinstuffing people's names, but they looked familiar.

So anyway, I think Chinstuffing has the lead all game, by as much as 3, and games were only to 13 points. Very short. And cut shorter because it was getting dark early. Game to 11. Its 10-9 Chinstuffing I think. Too Fatty gets the disc, works it, and Orion at the midfield mark shoots a 40 yard hammer like an arrow to Carrie Pollack running away in the endzone to tie the game. The guy on the sideline can't believe it, he just racked up some serious Fantasy league points.

Now, next point wins. Naturally I am hoping Josh Cott does the same. But no, instead they turn it over somehow. Its getting kinda dim now, very crepuscular.

Orion picks up the turnover, sees a sideline full of drunks and Mighty Mouse buzzing like a bee to the back corner of the endzone, far, far away downfield. He sends it. The disc immediately sails out of bounds and low. I could have easily knocked it out of the sky as it flew over my head. But it goes, and goes, and the drunks are amazed.

Arnold is running alongside the sideline in the back of the endzone. The disc is curling, coming in low. Will it tag the back cone? Sanchez, toes down, makes some sort of layout and the game is over.

It was a sick throw.

"That guy in the costume! He's my favorite! He caught the disc! That's sweet!" said the guy who just crushed me in Fantasy League.

Good for him. Next year. I'll win it all next year…

This was posted to Rec.Sport.Disc.

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