3. Jack had just finished cleaning the west wing of the lodge and was kicking back with a pint of Ben and Jerry's RedRum Raisen ice cream, when he heard the bell ring. that's funny, he thought. Mother is not coming until tomorrow.

He hauled his tired ass Eastward and then down the grand staircase. A young woman in black and white stood at the desk. She was carrying a large suitcase with money sticking out from where it closed.

"Well, if she doesn't mind staying with us colored people, then I suppose I won't mind taking her money," Jack said to himself.

"What did you just say?" the black and white woman asked.

"Just talking to myself. Pay no attention," Jack answered.

He gave her a room with a shower and headed off to the secret passage to look at her through the peephole.

"Peephole. Peephole who need peepholes,are the luckiest Peepholes in the world." Jack sang to himself from inside the wall.

"I can totally hear you," the Black and White woman said to the wall.

She poked her finger into the hole and playfully moved Jack's eyeball up and down with her fingertip.

"Man, if I weren't so hard, i'd turn around and walk back through the secret passage, and we could have an espresso together or something. maybe some grappa."

"I think I hear your mother," the girl said.

"That did it. Thanks," said Jack.

Within a minute he was in the room. They reclined on the bed, drinking their Grappa Espressos.

"What do you think would happen if a colored man like yourself, and a black and while woman were to have a baby? Would it be all statically? Or tinted funny?"

"You raise an interesting question," Jack replied.

"Let's see if we can't just find an answer to that before my brother Tony gets home."

"Why worry about Tony?"

"Well, I kind of stole his coffee. And he's the one who does all the perkin around here."

"Tony? Perkins? Sounds kind of cukoo to me. Let's see what color your pee pee is," she said.

4. Having been posessed once already, if there was one thing Linda could not stand was being RePossessed.

"No WAY, man," she said to Carrie, when Carrie read the letter from the bank.

That was three months ago.

Since then, Linda had restructured their mortgage with the bank -- since the recent popularity of the Walt Disney TV show, Ellen, had made bankers reconsider loans to lesbians (if 'ol mickey mouse is gonna stake his reputation on a dike, why not the First Bank of Anaheim? the bank President said when approached about her case). Loaning to Lesbians posters were going up all over town as the banks competed for this percieved niche business.

But, of course, lesbian or not, no bank was going to shell out its hard earned scrips to a has-been albeit with a beautiful set of huge tits. Linda had had to get a job.

"Are you good at dealing with the public?" the interviewer had asked.

"no"

"Ever lose your head under pressure?"

"yes"

"take long lunches?"

"no, not particularly"

She scored third highest on the job skills test, and hadn't spent time in prison or worked in a Duncan Donut's, which usually meant the same thing. So she got the job.

"Congratulations. We need more Ellens in the Department!" she was told.

"Whatever," Linda said. And she took a few of the forms home to familiarize herself with them before work started the next Monday.

"Well, ALLLLLLLLRIGHTTTT!" Carrie congratulated Linda when she got home. "Here, give me a High Five!" she said.

Linda thought it was a little "high school" of Carrie to insist on the High Five. But that was part of Carrie's charm. Anyway, she sure didn't complain when Carrie sent her off to work all sexed up on Monday morning with a Six Million Dollar Man lunchbox full of Old El Passo microwave tacos, and a thermos full of tequilla sunrise.

"And no trading with your friends!" Carrie said, as Linda Blair walked out the door, "I want to know that you're eating right!"

"Well you sure are, sweetie," Linda replied.

It was the nicest thing she could have said. Carrie went back to bed and dreamed she was the most popular girl in school.

**PART THREE**

Hollywood Drips Part 3
BY TROY NEW YORK

Court System Part 1
BY KARRIE SEMIPERT

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