THE CROSSED WIRE:
A FUNNY, NAY, RIOTOUS LOOK AT OUR TIMES
July 18, 2000
WASHINGTON DC -- The two researchers working feverishly to decode the Human Genome have discovered a cold, evil blast from the past when the code spelled out GAT A TAT A TAT-TAT, the famous words mouthed by Al Capone just before he was sentenced to Federal prison for income tax evasion in 1931...
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Genetic Code Reveals Ancient Secret; Burns Calories
July 7, 2000
MIAMI, FL -- Cruise line Fiesta is offering more than 27 regulation-size shuffleboard courts and the World's Largest Oyster Buffet. Today's hot market is in big game hunting and the folks behind Fiesta have put together a dedicated package to lure Buckshot Bills into spending big bucks to hunt wild game aboard Fiesta's massive cruise ship Uncle Ernest...
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June 21, 2000
NEW YORK, NY -- It's become quite a problem. From Times Square to Hollywood Squares the number of applicants for unpaid internships at major media companies has dropped considerably in the last few years. Indentured servitude was once considered the only way to get into the hot media marketplace, but increasingly college students are finding better things to do with their time...
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June 9, 2000
LOS ANGELES, CA–Signaling another step in the gun maker’s fight to avoid costly litigation, Colt Manufacturing Company, Inc., makers of the famous "Peacemaker" six-shooter and the Commando semi-automatic carbine, agreed to a merger with Death Row Records, the Los Angeles rap music label home to musical stars Dr. Dre, Eminem and others. The announcement comes after months of speculation....
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April 5, 2000
ELMORE, ALABAMA -- Giovanni Benezzi isn't a man who takes death lightly. And Earl "Shocky" Hubbard doesn't approach death without pulling a heavy rubber-coated switch. It wasn't just another stay of execution when Benezzi, an Italian fashion marketer and Hubbard, the Warden in charge of electrocutions at Alabama's infamous Wakahachie Prison, formed SingeWear Co. in early 1996 to cultivate and promote the country's latest fashion craze in the smokey, leather-like skin of former death row inmates...
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March 2, 2000
CENTREVILLE, NEBRASKA --The McDonald's Straw poll held here today revealed that John McCain has continued to gain popular support in his quest for the Presidency. The poll, of national significance because it is the first to pit all the potential candiates in the national election against each other, closed this evening at 9:00 pm Central Standard Time when the McDonald's on Tipton road in downtown Centreville closed for the evening. 37 people received voting straws when they "SuperSized" their soft drink and the results....
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Results: The McDonald's Straw Poll
THE CROSSED WIRE is a bi-weekly column informing you of the latest reports from around the nation. Compiled by Tony Leonardo in conjunction with Burly Bear Network.
