FUCKAROUND: A FANTASY ADVENTURE
PART II: THE GNOME CAVERNS

by ERIC MESSENGER

It had been ten years since Hoard had sold the whores to him, and Hine, High Gnome had reaped the benefits of the cruel orc's raping. The whores had produced twenty-five half-orcs, three of them with the likeness of Hoard himself. These three were exceptionally strong and would dig the deepest into the mountainside. The "crop" of half-breeds had more than doubled jewel production, and they were also good for entertainment. It was fun to watch the bastards wrestle with ravenous mountain lions they had captured. Yes. Life was good. As long as they could keep them in line.

The half-orcs, especially the three who looked similar, were getting very strong. Not too smart, but very strong, and good at wrestling. The three half-brothers had been named by the Gnomes.

The largest, and by far the strongest of all creatures working the mines, was Skullcrusher. This name was bestowed to him after the time he beat in the skull of his work-leader with one blow of his bare fist.

The second largest, who was still extremely strong, was Bonebreaker. He was given this name after pinning a mountain lion on its stomach by breaking each of its limbs and pulling them behind its back.

The smallest of the bastard brothers was Fleshrender. He was the quickest of the brothers. One day with his quickness and strength, he used a dagger-like stone to remove half the flesh from his cell guard's body. He was found wearing the flesh on his head and eating the poor gnome's liver. Yes, the three seemed to have the blood lust of their father. They were dangerous, but their work merited keeping them.

---------------------

The brothers had the same cell. They seemed to know that they were brothers since they were babies. They all had the same large, extended jaw and the low, sloping forehead that was characteristic of their father. It was their rest time and they were all asleep when Fleshrender spoke, "Hey guys."

Bonebreaker replied, "Shut da fuck up. I try to sleep now!"

"I have an idea on how to escape."

"What idea, your brain small and frail like your body. You don’t think right dumbfuck."

Skullcrusher finally entered the discussion, "Shut up bote of you. Listen to little one. What da fuck is he saying?"

"I have plan. We escape tomorrow."

"How."

"Well, tomorrow we enter mine leading close to top of mountain.
We ask for help in....."

 

** FLASH ** Curly to Jesus, Over
we do not know

That morning the brothers were mining close to the peak of the mountain. There were several miles of tunnels behind them, leading to the base where they had begun to mine ten years ago.

Bonebreaker yelled, "Gnome Master, we need engineer, don’t know where da fuck to mine. Dis rock gettin’ hard."

The leader of their five guards replied, "Ok Ok...just shut up, the engineering team will be here soon." And he sent off a messenger. "You boys just take your fucking break now. But be ready to get to work soon."

"Yes Gnome master." I will fucking eat your heart. Fucking little shit. I will crush you like dis rock I crush with pick. Your brain will drink my piss after I split head like soft rock.

Skullcrusher was also deep in thought. ..................hmmm..........cool here.................. Gnome fuck..........today I use you like bitch.

Fleshrender sputtered internally We will be free soon. Like Gnome meat. More flesh to eat and wear. Keep bugs off.

The engineers arrived. They quickly began to survey the area.

"This rock isn’t hard. Why did you bother us!?"

While the gnomes had been looking at the rock, Skullcrusher and Bonebreaker had slipped back to the mine shaft’s supports. Fleshrender’s plan was simple, the entrance to the mines were heavily guarded with warrior and magic. No escape possible. So they would make a new opening at the top.

Snap! Snap! The supports came down. As they did Fleshrender took his pick to the head of the closest guard, laughing as the brains of his foe exploded out the other side of his head. Bonebreaker and Skullcrusher took their pick and maul and went to work on the rest of the troop as the whole fucking shaft collapsed behind them. Even shackled, the three half-orcs were too fierce a foe and the guards fell within a minutes' battle. The engineers simply cowered in the corner.

"Why...why did you have us come here if you were only going to trap us?"

Fleshrender replied, "Ha Ha fucking gnome. You fucked. We will kill you. We no get out at base, we make own exit at top. Long week of mining get us there. You food for us! HAHAHAHAA!"

---------------------

After six days of mining and gnome eating, the brothers emerged near the peak of the great rock, half-naked with only gnome-hide leather to protect them from the storm. With picks and mauls, they began to jog down the side of the mountain to freedom.



Pigcrusher
 
Minekiller

 

*** PEOPLE WE KNOW AND LIKE CAN BE FOUND AT WATERBONG.NET AND CRANK.COM ***

 

Fuckaround Part I
BY ERIC MESSENGER

Pez
BY JESS VAN BRUNT

My Personality
BY RIVATIVE

 

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