Rivative: Big Game On Big Boats

Cruise line Fiesta is offering more than 27 regulation-size shuffleboard courts and the World's Largest Oyster Buffet. Today's hot market is in big game hunting and the folks behind Fiesta have put together a dedicated package to lure Buckshot Bills into spending big bucks to hunt wild game aboard Fiesta's massive cruise ship Uncle Ernest.

The Uncle Ernest is a strapping ocean liner, measuring 920 feet long and 154 feet wide and displacing 102,010 tons of water. On each voyage the liner safely carries 2,500 passengers and 750 crewmen, 3,000 containers of Metumucil, 28,000 miniature bars of soap and 31,000 pounds of wild game.

About 15 sport hunters will shell out $10,500 a voyage, plus payment for whatever animal they manage to bag, and for this kind of money the crew and passengers are willing to accept the peculiar dangers of wild animals and shotgun-toting testosterone males.

"We pretty much keep them confined to the 420 foot by 125 foot third-level mid-deck," explains Captain James Daughtery, "only on a few occasions have passengers been hit with enough buckshot to warrant medical attention, and only three passengers have been attacked by the wild animals. That's pretty good considering we've gone on seven cruises already."

The mid-deck to which Captain Daughtery refers is called "The Veldt" and hunters and animals alike have strict regulations to stay within its boundaries. Inside the Veldt is a Biosphere-like nature preserve with some very noticeable cost-cutting additions. There is real grass for the animals to graze on, for instance, and real watering holes, but many of the trees and shrubs are made from plastic or vulcanized rubber.

Life inside the Veldt can be a living hell for hunters and the wild animals. Only 5 hunters are allowed in the Veldt at one time to compete for the 50 or so animals that roam the hunting grounds, but that doesn't mean that they are not out of harm's way from their own guns. Legally hunted beasts also prove to be adequate foes as Wild Boars, Dingoes, Elk, Giant Saharan Jackrabbits, Coyotes, Hyenas, Wildebeests, and Joop's Gazelles stock the Veldt. In special seasons, a hunter may also find crocodiles in the watering holes, Chechynans in the blinds, and Umber Hulks in the caves.