SUMMER SOLSTICE RESULTS: PART III
from the ANNALS of ULTIMATE
by LUKE SMITH

First, there was the getting over the inertia of starting the Road Trip. When we last saw our intrepid crew, play had just begun... Adam, mean while, was chilling w/ the Space Coyote on his way to the nearest beer store...

At The Liquor Store

'Find your soul mate Adam.'
Dude you sound like Johnny Cash.
'Find your soul mate Adam'
Is that all you've got to say. This is the dumbest vision quest I've ever had.
Wait a minute: Miller quart cans on sale for $1.00!
Thanks Space Coyote!
'Find your...'
Never mind...

Meanwhile, Back on the Ranch...

Good game everyone, let's rocham beer run.
4 pool round-robin elimination match?
Naah. Too complicated. Odd man out?
Odd man out. Only way to get it done w/ this kind of crowd... ready, on 3: reaux, cham, beaux.
The cold winds of fate blow, the dice are thrown, and CA, and JS are off to make the deal go down.
Huh. What were the odds.

   

Spandex Revelation
FLASH Animation: Your Vision Quest


Adam returns to the fields, beer in hand. The Rutgers Reunion team had just polished off the return of Johnny Bravo. Adam arrives as the second game begins, Rutgers vs. Eugene...

Dude, who are we playing?
Eugene.
Who are we?
Crow's nest?
What's that?
A restaurant.
Crow's nest?
I thought we were Rutgers?
I didn't go to Rutgers.
Dude you are messed up. Colgate isn't a school.
Yes they are, I played Lacrosse.
Now, La Crosse is a school.
This is messed up.

You getting all this, Adam?
Hard to tell, it's all getting a little hazy...
Why?
He's fasting.
Oh yeah, how long.
3 or 4 days now.
Why?
To free Walt Disney. (exeunt)

On the line...
Man, Disney ain't frozen.
Well, whatever works.
Everyone knows that was Stalin.
Duh.


Just throw it to me. I promise I'll get it.
We're on D.
Well watch this!
Can we get a plan going here?
Ask the Brain.
Listen up. Run the John Phillips Sousa for 3 to the 2 finger force...
Huh?
Zone. Oh, OK. 2-3-2?
3-2-2
2-3-2, see, it's point, point, 2 side middles and a middle middle.
Whatever.
Watch me get this 'D' Block...

After the Point
Man, that Doug McKenzie guy can jump. Don't feel bad, you'll get it back.

Scuse me? Whassatdudesname? Like Bob McKenzie?
I don't know. But that's his name.
Do you think he ever saw Strange Brew?
Strange brew?
Are you kidding me? Doug and Bob McKenzie? It's a retelling of Hamlet. See it's told through the eyes of Doug and Bob McKenzie. They stand in for Rosencrantz and Guilderstern. Pam, the heir to Elsinore brewery (like the setting of Hamlet), has a murdered father... she might also double as Ophelia, but it's possible that the drugged-out hockey player could be filling in there.

You have way too much time on your hands.

Who's next.
Team X.
Who?
Colgate reunion.
Colgate is a toothpaste.
I don't use it.
Toothpaste?
Colgate.
I use Uncle Tom's.
Dude, that shit doesn't have flouride in it.
Flouride is a communist plot. They're gonna unfreeze Stalin and take over Walt Disney.
Just go flip the disc.

   
NEW! Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles Comic Strip
NEW! Mothers Wanted tract
 


Who's next?
Sockeye.
Carleton reunion?
Stanford reunion.
Stanford's not here this weekend.
Oh. Carleton reunion it is.
But Nord just played for Eugene against Sockeye.
Same field.
Gotcha.

Summary of Day 2
Which was actually day 1: No damage to the car. 20 dollars out of pocket for beer and tourney fee. No new injuries. Adam did not wander off into the river and get lost. Sonja did, but she came back, and she's a dog. I got vague directions to the Double Tree, Green Tree, and Oak Tree inns, a Honky Tonk, Giggles comedy club, and a couple of vague suggestions that "I-5 North may be good for me and my lot." But the results...

Jam (not jam, but maybe mostly, or at least 40% jam, but that's the way it went in the program.) goes 4-0.
Boulder goes 3-1
Eugene goes 2-2
Sockeye goes 1-3
Team X goes 0-4

Did I get that right? Eugene COULD have beaten Boulder, but I don't think that they did.

Over in the other pool Furious, PDX, and Valhalla all go 3-1. Invictus 1-3, right?
And Diesel goes 0-4.

OFF to Carls' Jr.'s for burgers.
Burger's. Carl's.
You wanna walk?

• • •

Road Dates: July 19- July 23, 2001

** Starting August 1st: RIVATIVE PRESENTS THE GOOD-ENOUGH NEWS BIBLE-TRACT-A-THON! Every day a different Bible Tract will be featured from our collection of hundreds. Stay tuned. **

Doyle: Part IV
BY CHRISTOPHER CURRY

• • •

 

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