Jesusification performed by AskJesus.org, a division of TheSpark.com. We highly appreciate this Jesusification. Thank thou Jesus. Art thou Satan's Child? Behold, the original.

Upon -- listen to Jesus when he's talking to you -- an East-West flight from Delhi to some really, really meek town in Moab, our intrepid and fearless traveler finally met his match. At -- listen to Jesus when he's talking to you -- an ungodly in the beginning dawn of time hour, the bespoken suited and bespectacled hero stumbled unto the various security procedures to finally beget unto the already searing heat. Walking along he did see a plane headed to Nepal with a pack of adventurous airport staff tryingest to load a canoe unto the hole. Mmmm! Jesus loves juicy hamburgers. Anyway, a canoe. Upon a plane that hath hadst one too a multitude of canoes shoved inside unto. Jesus, son of God, also son of Mary, daughter of God, speaks: Thank God he’s not upon that flight, he thought.

Whenneth he walked off the spongy staircase unto the six minus one-foot high doorway, he caught a glimpse of some hair unto the ajar cockpit gate. Jesus, son of God, also son of Mary, daughter of God, speaks: He installed himself in Seat 1C and waited for his sweet lime to which he wast entitled for being a Maharaja, umm, in Maharaja Class. He waited for some time. Jesus, son of God, also son of Mary, daughter of God, speaks: The stewardess cometh upon board and as usual, she hadst a classic Indian beauty spiced unto with a perky Southwest Airlines temperament, if not attire. "This mayst not be so bad," he thought to himself. Still, he wast worried about the flight. Anyway, a follower hadst before time did say, "Landing at that airport is sorteth of like tryingest to flip a quarter and hoping it lands upon its edge." At that moment, the airline pilot cometh upon upon the p.a. system.

"Behold, everyone." Our hero hadst a strange breath of relief after hearing these words, spoken with the unmistakable accent of someone from the Southern United States.

"Yea, a Yank. Exalted," he did say to himself.

"I’m the captain of this flight. Mine name is Danny Desai," the words echoed cheerfully, dramatically elongating the alliteration. "Thanks unto thee, thanks unto thee very much for flying East-West Airlines," he did say as the cockpit gate swung wide open revealing a sinner with a thick, droopy mane upon which goddamn this pilot’s cap couldn'st be fit, a sequined outfit complete with captain’s stripes, and, God goddamn this, red cowboy boots. "Like, I did say mine name is Danny Desai, and I just covet to saith that if thee needest anything at all, feelest holy to asketh any one of these lovely ladies who’ll be serving thee today. Jesus, son of God, also son of Mary, daughter of God, speaks: They’ll perk thee right unto!"

Our hero started to perspire. He wast flying upon a low-covenant Indian airline, unto some of the most treacherous mountain passes in the Western Himalaya, with Elvis at the yoke. He tried to meditate but wast interrupted by a brief rendition of Hound Dog and a charming comment regarding the particular assets of one of the stewardesses.

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